Getting Divorced: A Practical Guide from Filing to Final Decree

Summary. This guide runs a divorce in order: preparation before filing, choosing among DIY, mediation, collaborative, and litigated processes, hiring counsel, filing and service, the temporary orders hearing, disclosure and discovery, valuation, negotiating property and support with tax awareness, drafting an enforceable parenting plan, mediation and trial, and the follow-through that determines whether you actually get what you signed.

For the substantive law — characterization, guidelines, best interests, and the federal statutes that override state law — see Divorce and Dissolution. This guide is about sequence and decisions.

Stage 1: Before anything is filed

There is a window before a divorce begins in which the most valuable work is done, and it consists almost entirely of collecting paper.

Assemble the financial file. Three years of federal and state tax returns with all schedules and W-2s and 1099s. Pay records for both spouses. Statements for every account — checking, savings, brokerage, retirement, HSA, 529 — for at least the past year and ideally three. Deeds, mortgage statements, and property tax bills. Vehicle titles and loan statements. Every credit card and loan statement. Insurance policies, including life, with declarations pages. Business records if either spouse owns one: returns, financial statements, buy-sell agreements, K-1s. Any premarital or postnuptial agreement. Records tracing any inheritance or gift.

Copy it, and store it somewhere the other spouse cannot reach — a work computer is a bad choice, a relative's house or a cloud account with a new password is better. Do not delete the originals, do not take physical originals that belong to a jointly owned business, and do not access the other spouse's private email or devices. Self-help snooping produces evidence you cannot use and claims against you that you did not need. See Legal Ethics in Practice.

Write down the date of separation. In many states it fixes the cutoff for acquiring marital property and for characterizing income.

Do the personal-finance basics. Open an individual checking account and direct your own income to it. Pull your credit report and list every joint obligation, including cards you did not know you were an authorized user on. Understand your household's actual monthly expenses — not the estimate, the real figure from twelve months of statements.

Understand what you cannot do once you file. Most states impose automatic temporary restraining orders at filing that bind both parties: no transferring, encumbering, concealing, or disposing of property outside the ordinary course; no cancelling insurance; no changing beneficiaries; no removing children from the state. These apply to the filing spouse immediately, and violating them is contempt.

Stage 2: Choosing a process

This decision affects cost more than any other, and it is usually made by default rather than by choice.

Do it yourself. Appropriate for a short marriage, no children, no real property, no retirement to divide, and no significant debt. Court self-help centers and form packets make this genuinely workable. The trap is the case that looks simple and contains a pension or a house.

Mediation. A neutral facilitates agreement; the parties may each have counsel review the result. Cost is typically a fraction of litigation, timelines are shorter, and the parties keep control of the outcome. Mediation works poorly where there is a serious power imbalance, active domestic violence, or a spouse who will not disclose honestly.

Collaborative divorce. Both parties and both lawyers sign an agreement that counsel will withdraw if the case goes to court. Often includes a neutral financial professional and a child specialist. The disqualification provision is a powerful commitment to settle — and an expensive failure mode, since a breakdown means starting over with new counsel.

Litigation with counsel. Necessary where there is hidden income, a contested business valuation, a genuine custody dispute, domestic violence, or a spouse who will not participate. Most litigated cases still settle, but they settle after the discovery that made settlement possible.

Limited-scope representation. Available in most states: a lawyer handles a defined piece — reviewing an agreement, drafting a QDRO, appearing at one hearing, coaching you for a mediation — while you handle the rest. This is dramatically underused and it is the right answer for a great many middle-income cases.

Stage 3: Hiring and paying a lawyer

Interview at least two. Ask: how much of your practice is family law; how many cases like mine have you handled; what is your assessment of the likely range of outcomes; what will this cost under three scenarios (settles early, settles late, tried); who will actually work on my file; how quickly do you return calls; and what do you need from me to keep costs down.

Understand the fee agreement. Family lawyers work on an hourly basis against a retainer that is replenished. Contingency fees are prohibited in divorce in essentially every jurisdiction. Ask what the hourly rates are for each timekeeper, what the minimum billing increment is, what expenses are charged, and how often you will be billed. Read the withdrawal provision.

Ask about a fee award. Many states permit the court to order the higher-earning spouse to contribute to the other's fees so that both can be represented — sometimes at the temporary orders stage. If there is a significant income disparity, this should be requested early, not at the end.

Control your own costs. Send documents organized rather than in a box. Keep a running list of questions rather than calling six times. Use the paralegal. Do not send emails at midnight expecting a response; every one of them is billed. And do not pay your lawyer to be your therapist — a therapist is both better at it and substantially cheaper.

Stage 4: Filing and service

The petition identifies the parties, the marriage date, the separation date, the children, the grounds, and what you are asking for. Filing fees are set by the court and waivable on a showing of indigency; ask for the form.

Service must comply with the rules — personal service by a sheriff or process server, or acceptance of service signed by the other spouse. A case begun with defective service can be undone months later, so do not improvise here.

If you are served, calendar the response deadline immediately (often 20 to 30 days) and file an answer. A default divorce grants the other side what they asked for, and setting aside a default is far harder than answering.

Consider whether to file at all yet. Filing starts clocks, triggers automatic orders, and changes the tenor of negotiations. Sometimes the better sequence is to negotiate an agreement first and file it with an uncontested petition.

Stage 5: The temporary orders hearing

Do not treat this as preliminary. It sets a status quo that will operate for a year and that becomes, functionally, evidence.

Bring: a completed financial affidavit with supporting documents; a realistic monthly budget built from actual statements; a child support guideline worksheet already computed; a specific proposed parenting schedule with dates and times; and a short proposed order.

Ask for what you need, specifically. Who lives in the home. The parenting schedule. Support figures. Who pays the mortgage, the utilities, the insurance, the car payments. Preservation of assets and insurance. An interim fee contribution if there is an income disparity.

Understand the stickiness. A schedule that runs for fourteen months is the status quo, and stability is a best-interests factor. A spouse who moves out and accepts alternate weekends "temporarily" has set a baseline that is hard to move.

Stage 6: Disclosure

Most states require an early sworn financial affidavit plus a defined document set exchanged without any request.

Complete it honestly and completely. A materially false affidavit supports reopening a settlement, a fee award, and in some jurisdictions an independent fraud claim. It also destroys your credibility on everything else in the case, including custody, which is not a trade anyone should make.

Read the other side's affidavit against the documents. The most productive review: compare stated income to the tax returns and pay records; compare listed accounts to the interest and dividends reported on Schedule B; look for accounts that appear on a loan application and not on the affidavit; and check whether the stated expenses could actually be paid from the stated income. A budget that exceeds reported income by $3,000 a month is a question.

Stage 7: Discovery, when it is warranted

Escalate beyond disclosure where there is a self-employed or cash-business spouse, a spouse who controlled the finances, unexplained transfers, a lifestyle inconsistent with reported income, a disputed business value, or newly appearing "loans" from relatives.

The productive sources, in order: tax returns and their schedules; loan and credit applications; twelve to thirty-six months of bank statements read for transfers rather than balances; business records including the general ledger and the personal expenses run through it; deferred compensation and equity grant documents; and, where the facts warrant, a forensic accountant.

Depositions are expensive and occasionally decisive. Take one where you need a spouse locked into a position on income, on a business's operations, or on a factual account they will otherwise revise.

Dissipation. If marital funds were spent for a purpose unrelated to the marriage during its breakdown, document the pattern with the statements and ask that the amount be charged against that spouse's share.

Stage 8: Valuation

The house. An appraisal is worth its cost in any contested case; a broker's opinion is cheaper and weaker. Deduct the mortgage payoff and, if a sale is contemplated, the costs of sale.

Retirement. Get current statements and, for a defined benefit pension, either a present-value calculation by an actuary or a deferred-distribution formula. Identify any premarital portion and whether it can be traced with statements — this is frequently the largest disputed number in the case.

A business. Retain a credentialed valuation expert. Expect fights over the standard of value, whether goodwill is enterprise or personal, marketability discounts, and normalization of the owner's compensation. A joint expert costs half as much and is worth considering where the relationship permits.

Personal property. Do not litigate over furniture. The cost of the argument exceeds the value of the couch, every time. Agree on a method — alternating selection, a coin flip, a garage sale and split the proceeds — and move on.

Stage 9: Negotiating property

Build a one-page balance sheet. Every asset, its value, its character (marital/separate/disputed), and its after-tax value. Every debt, its balance, and whose name is on it.

Three principles that produce better settlements:

Compare after-tax to after-tax. $100,000 in a Roth is not $100,000 in a traditional 401(k) is not $100,000 of appreciated stock with a $20,000 basis. Convert everything to after-tax dollars before you trade.
Match the asset to the person. A spouse who needs cash flow should not take the illiquid asset. A spouse staying in the house must be able to carry it — and must be able to refinance, which requires qualifying alone.
Deal with joint debt by paying it off or refinancing it, not by allocating it. Creditors are not bound by the decree. If allocation is unavoidable, secure it and require proof of payment.

Set deadlines with consequences. "Husband shall refinance within 120 days; if he does not, the property shall be listed for sale within 30 days thereafter" is enforceable. "Husband shall refinance as soon as practicable" is not.

Stage 10: Negotiating support

Child support starts from the guideline worksheet, and the fights are over the inputs: income (including bonuses, overtime, and self-employment), the overnight count, health premiums, childcare, and extraordinary expenses. Deviations require findings; agree on the number and the worksheet that produces it.

Spousal support requires four decisions, and agreements that omit any of them create the next lawsuit: the amount; the duration; whether it is modifiable; and what terminates it — death, remarriage, cohabitation (define it), and the payor's retirement (define what qualifies).

Secure it. A support obligation dies with an uninsured payor. Require life insurance in a stated amount for the term of the obligation, with the recipient as owner or beneficiary and with an annual proof-of-coverage obligation.

Remember the tax rule. For agreements executed after 2018, spousal support is neither deductible by the payor nor includable by the recipient. Advice built on the old rule is a trap, and it is still circulating.

Stage 11: The parenting plan

Specificity is kindness. A vague plan guarantees conflict, and conflict is the thing that harms children.

A complete plan states: the regular schedule by day and time; a holiday schedule that overrides the regular schedule, with alternating years; a summer and school-break schedule; exchange times and locations; who transports; how the parents communicate (a co-parenting app is worth it in a high-conflict case) and how each parent contacts the child during the other's time; decisionmaking for education, non-emergency medical, mental health, and activities, with a tiebreaker; access to records for both parents; a right of first refusal if a parent will be away more than a stated number of hours; travel notice and passport handling; a relocation notice provision with a specific number of days; introduction of new partners; and mediation before any motion.

Do not include anything you would not want enforced literally, and do not use the plan to punish. Willingness to support the child's relationship with the other parent is an explicit best-interests factor, and judges notice.

Stage 12: Mediation

Most jurisdictions require it before trial, and it resolves most cases.

Prepare like a hearing. Bring the balance sheet, the guideline worksheet, the appraisals, and a written proposal with alternatives. Know your best and worst realistic outcomes at trial and what each would cost to obtain.

Decide your priorities in advance. Write down the three things that matter most and the five you can trade. People who enter mediation without this end up trading the wrong things at 6 p.m.

Expect a full day. Movement usually happens late.

Get it in writing before you leave. A memorandum of understanding signed at the table becomes the settlement agreement. An agreement "in principle" that everyone will paper next week frequently does not survive the week.

Stage 13: If it goes to trial

What trial costs: money, months, privacy, and control. A judge who has known your family for ninety minutes will decide questions you have lived with for fifteen years.

What it requires: exhibits organized and pre-marked; a financial expert if valuation is contested; witnesses who observed the parenting rather than heard about it; and a proposed decree with findings ready to hand up.

What actually persuades a family court: documents over testimony; specificity over adjectives; a parent who supports the child's relationship with the other parent; and a party who is credible on the small things. A witness caught shading one modest fact loses the large ones too.

Stage 14: The decree, and the follow-through that decides everything

A signed decree is not the end. The following must actually be done, and a settlement is worth only what gets executed:

QDRO drafted, entered by the court, and accepted by the plan administrator — one per qualified plan. A decree without a QDRO divides no retirement plan.
IRA transfers processed as trustee-to-trustee transfers incident to divorce, never as withdrawals and checks.
Deed signed, notarized, and recorded.
Refinance completed by the deadline, removing the departing spouse from the note.
Vehicle titles transferred and loans refinanced.
Joint accounts and cards closed, and authorized users removed.
Beneficiary designations changed on life insurance, retirement accounts, and payable-on-death accounts — and note that an ex-spouse named on an ERISA plan beneficiary form may still take despite a state revocation-on-divorce statute, so change the form.
Life insurance for support secured, with proof-of-coverage rights.
Estate plan rewritten: will, powers of attorney, health care directive, and any trust.
Name change processed with Social Security, the DMV, passport, employer, and banks.
Health insurance arranged, including COBRA election within the deadline.
Support payment method set up, usually through the state disbursement unit, which creates the payment record you will need later.

Stage 15: Modification and enforcement

Modification of support requires a substantial change in circumstances — a material income change, a change in the parenting schedule, a change in the child's needs. File promptly; most states will not modify retroactively before the date of filing, which means every month of delay is money.

Custody modification requires a substantial change plus a showing that modification serves the child's best interests. Document the change contemporaneously as it occurs.

Enforcement tools include income withholding, contempt, judgment and lien, license suspension, tax refund interception, and passport denial for support. For a contempt proceeding, bring the order, the payment record, and a clean arrears calculation. And note the procedural protections that apply where incarceration is possible: notice that ability to pay is the critical issue, a financial disclosure opportunity, and an express finding on ability to pay.

Stage 16: The year after

Update your budget for one income. Re-run your tax withholding — filing status, dependents, and the loss of any alimony deduction on older orders all change your number. Rebuild credit in your own name if you had none. Keep the decree, the QDRO acceptance letters, the recorded deed, and the refinance documents permanently. And calendar the review dates you agreed to — the child support review, the support step-down, the college expense provision — because nobody else will.

Stage 17: Four situations that change the playbook

Domestic violence. Safety comes before strategy, and the ordinary advice inverts. Do not announce your plans. Do not attempt mediation in the same room — most states exempt these cases from mandatory mediation, and shuttle or remote formats exist where mediation proceeds at all. Obtain a protective order first if one is warranted; a protective order can award temporary custody, exclusive possession of the home, and support, and it moves faster than a divorce. Preserve evidence: photographs with dates, medical records, police reports, texts, and a written incident log. Tell your lawyer at the first meeting, because it changes the process, the schedule, the exchange arrangements, and the custody analysis. See Domestic Violence and Protective Orders.

A military spouse. Three federal overlays apply. The Servicemembers Civil Relief Act permits a stay of proceedings where military duty materially affects the ability to appear, and protects against default judgments. The Uniformed Services Former Spouses' Protection Act governs division of retired pay, direct payment from the pay center (which generally requires ten years of marriage overlapping ten years of service), and the survivor benefit plan election — which must be addressed expressly in the decree, not assumed. And the 20/20/20 rule determines continued commissary, exchange, and health benefits: twenty years of marriage, twenty years of creditable service, and twenty years of overlap. A decree drafted without checking these leaves benefits on the table permanently.

A self-employed or business-owning spouse. Assume the reported income understates the economic income, and prove it from the ledger rather than arguing it. Personal expenses run through the business — vehicles, travel, phones, meals, a family member on payroll, a home office — are add-backs for support purposes even where they are legitimate deductions for tax purposes. Retain a forensic accountant early enough to shape the document requests. And separate two distinct questions that get conflated: what is the business worth (a property question) and what does it produce for the owner (an income question). Double-counting the same stream as both an asset and income is a real error that courts in many states expressly guard against.

High conflict. Where one parent will not cooperate, the answer is structure, not persuasion. Use a parenting plan with no discretionary language — every exchange at a named time and place, every holiday assigned by year, a right of first refusal with a defined trigger. Route all communication through a monitored co-parenting application, which timestamps everything and moderates tone. Consider a parenting coordinator where your jurisdiction authorizes one; they resolve day-to-day disputes without a motion. Document contemporaneously and dispassionately — a log that reads as a neutral record is persuasive, and one that reads as a grievance file is not. And be careful with allegations of alienation, which courts treat seriously in both directions: a parent who makes the accusation and cannot support it can lose ground.

Stage 18: What it costs, and how long it takes

Process	Typical cost per side	Typical duration	Best for	Fails when
DIY / self-help	Filing fee to ~$1,000	1–6 months	Short marriage, no children, no property, no retirement	There is a house, a pension, or a business hiding in "simple"
Mediation + review counsel	$3,000–$10,000	2–8 months	Both spouses will disclose honestly and can be in a room	Power imbalance, violence, or concealment
Collaborative	$10,000–$30,000	4–12 months	Complex finances, both committed to settling, children	It breaks down — then you start over with new counsel
Litigation	$15,000–$100,000+	9 months–3 years	Hidden income, disputed valuation, real custody dispute, violence	Almost always settles anyway, but after the money is spent

Where the money actually goes in a litigated case, roughly in order: discovery and document review; experts (business valuation, custody evaluation, forensic accounting, vocational); motion practice, especially over temporary orders and discovery disputes; deposition transcripts; and trial preparation, which costs more than trial.

A worked comparison. Two couples with nearly identical facts — fifteen-year marriage, two children, a house, a 401(k), one self-employed spouse. Couple A retains counsel, exchanges disclosure, hires a joint business valuator, mediates in month five, and signs in month six. Total cost: about $16,000 combined, with a $6,500 shared expert. Couple B files competing motions in month two, each retains a valuation expert, litigates three discovery motions, completes a custody evaluation, and settles on the courthouse steps in month twenty-two. Total cost: about $140,000 combined. The settlements are similar. The difference is $124,000 and sixteen months, and it was decided by process choices made in the first sixty days.

Stage 19: Twelve mistakes that cost the most

Not gathering documents before filing. Access disappears the day the case starts.
Signing a quitclaim deed without a simultaneous refinance. You have given up ownership and kept the mortgage.
A decree with no QDRO. It divides no retirement plan. Draft it, enter it, and get the administrator's acceptance letter.
Treating $100,000 of appreciated stock as equal to $100,000 in a Roth. Compare after-tax to after-tax, always.
Allocating joint debt instead of paying it off or refinancing it. Creditors are not bound by your decree.
Failing to change beneficiary designations — and specifically failing to change the ERISA plan form, where a state revocation-on-divorce statute may not reach.
An unsecured support obligation. Require life insurance with proof of coverage.
A vague parenting plan. "Reasonable and liberal visitation" is a promise of future motions.
Deadlines without consequences. Every obligation needs a date and a fallback.
Relying on pre-2019 alimony tax advice. For agreements executed after 2018 it is neither deductible nor taxable.
Waiting to file a modification. Most states will not modify retroactively before the filing date; each month of delay is money you do not get back.
Litigating over furniture, or over being right. The most expensive sentence in family law is "it's the principle."

Stage 20: Divorcing with children — the part the law measures least well

Everything above is procedure. This section is about the thing that actually determines how a divorce turns out for the people in it, and it is not adequately captured by any statute.

What the research and the bench both converge on. The single strongest predictor of how children fare after a separation is not which parent has more time, or whether the parents stayed together, or the family's income. It is the level of conflict the children are exposed to, and specifically whether they are placed in the middle of it. Litigation does not cause that exposure; parents do, and they usually do it in small ways they do not notice.

The five things that do the most damage, in roughly descending order:

Using a child as a messenger. "Tell your father the check was late." A child asked to carry a message is a child made responsible for adult conflict.
Interrogating after a visit. Where did you go, who was there, was she there. Children learn quickly that returning home requires a debrief, and they begin managing what they say to each parent.
Criticizing the other parent within earshot — including on the phone in the next room, including "I would never say anything bad about your mother, but."
Making the schedule a negotiation the child participates in. Adults decide; children are informed.
Introducing new partners early, before the child has absorbed the separation.

What helps, and costs nothing. Tell the children together, once, with a simple and consistent account that assigns no blame and is age-appropriate. Say clearly and more than once that it is not their fault and that both parents will continue to be their parents. Keep routines, schools, and activities stable where you can — continuity does more than any arrangement. Let each household have its own ordinary rules without treating differences as violations. And permit, visibly, the child's love for the other parent; children take their cues about whether that is allowed from what they see.

Use the structures the process offers. Many jurisdictions require a parent education class; take it seriously rather than as a box. A child specialist in a collaborative case, or a court-appointed guardian ad litem or best-interests attorney in a contested one, gives the child a voice that is not either parent's. Family therapy for the children — not couples therapy for the parents — is frequently the highest-value expenditure in the entire case, and it costs a fraction of a motion.

A note on what judges see. Family court judges have limited time and enormous discretion, and they form impressions quickly. The parent who arrives with a specific proposed schedule, speaks about the children rather than about the other parent, concedes the other parent's genuine strengths, and does not exaggerate is the parent who is believed. This is not a performance tip. It is a description of the parent who is easier to entrust with a decision, and judges are, at bottom, deciding whom to trust.

Finally, the long view. You will co-parent with this person for years after the decree — through graduations, weddings, illnesses, and grandchildren. Nearly every decision made to win the case makes that longer relationship worse, and nearly every decision made to end the case cleanly makes it better. That trade-off is usually worth taking, and the people who take it are, almost uniformly, glad they did.

Stage 21: The divorce calendar

Phase	What happens	What you must do	The trap
Before filing	Nothing, formally	Gather three years of everything; copy it; store it safely; note the separation date; open an individual account; pull your credit report	Access to documents disappears the day the case starts
Filing	Petition, fee (waivable), automatic orders attach	Read the automatic orders — they bind you immediately	Moving money or changing a beneficiary in week one is contempt
Service	Personal service or acceptance	Use a server or get a signed acceptance	Improvised service can undo the case months later
Response (20–30 days)	Answer due	Calendar it the day you are served; answer even if you agree	A default grants the other side what they asked for
Temporary orders (weeks 3–8)	Home, schedule, support, bills, fees	Financial affidavit · real budget · guideline worksheet · specific proposed schedule	"Temporary" becomes the status quo, and status quo is evidence
Disclosure (30–90 days)	Sworn affidavit + document set	Complete it honestly; read theirs against the tax returns	A false affidavit reopens the settlement and destroys credibility
Discovery (months 3–9)	Only if warranted	Tax schedules · loan applications · statements read for transfers · experts	Discovery you do not need is the largest avoidable cost in the case
Valuation (months 4–10)	House, pension, business	Appraisal; actuary or coverture formula; credentialed valuator — consider a joint expert	Untraced premarital portions simply disappear
Mediation (months 5–12)	Most cases resolve here	Balance sheet with after-tax values; written proposal; priorities decided in advance	Leaving with an agreement "in principle" and nothing signed
Trial (months 12–36)	Rare, expensive, public	Pre-marked exhibits; experts; witnesses who observed	Litigating to be right
Decree	Judgment entered	Read it against the agreement before it is signed	Deadlines without consequences are unenforceable
Follow-through (0–120 days after)	The settlement actually happens here	QDRO entered and accepted · deed recorded · refinance done · accounts closed · beneficiaries changed · insurance secured · estate plan rewritten	A decree with no QDRO divides no retirement plan
After	Life	Rerun withholding; rebuild credit; calendar every review date in the agreement	Waiting to file a modification — most states will not go back before the filing date

Stage 22: Where to get help without paying for it

Court self-help centers. Nearly every family court has one, staffed by people who can identify the right form, explain a filing sequence, and check a packet for completeness. They cannot give legal advice, but they prevent most procedural failures.
Legal aid. Income-qualified, and family law is a priority area in most programs — particularly where there is domestic violence, a custody dispute, or a protective order.
Court-annexed mediation, which is free or low-cost in many jurisdictions and is where most cases resolve.
Bar association lawyer referral services, most of which offer a reduced-fee initial consultation. One consultation to review a proposed agreement is the single highest-value hour available to a self-represented person.
Limited-scope panels. Ask the referral service specifically for lawyers who take unbundled work — reviewing an agreement, drafting the QDRO, appearing at one hearing, or coaching you before mediation.
The state child support agency, which establishes and enforces support orders at little or no cost and can locate a parent, establish parentage, and enforce across state lines.
Domestic violence advocates, who can help obtain a protective order without a lawyer and who understand the safety planning that a lawyer may not.
Parent education programs, required in many jurisdictions, and worth attending early rather than at the last minute.
Law school family law clinics, which take cases in most metropolitan areas.
The plan administrator for any retirement plan, which will provide a model QDRO free of charge — start from theirs, not from a form found online, because the plan is the one that has to approve it.

Two closing cautions. First, be careful with online form services that generate documents but do not know your state's rules or your judge's requirements; a rejected filing costs more time than it saved. Second, and more important: nearly every irreversible mistake in this guide — the quitclaim without a refinance, the missing QDRO, the unchanged beneficiary form, the vague deadline — costs a few hundred dollars to prevent and tens of thousands to fix. If you can afford exactly one hour of legal advice in your entire divorce, spend it having someone read the agreement before you sign it.

Frequently asked questions

How much does a divorce cost? An uncontested DIY filing can be a few hundred dollars in fees. Mediation with counsel review commonly runs a few thousand per side. A litigated case with a custody dispute and a business valuation reaches five and sometimes six figures.

Can we use one lawyer? No. A lawyer cannot represent both spouses. One may be represented and the other not, or you may use a mediator plus separate review counsel.

Do I have to go to court? In an uncontested case, often only briefly, and many courts now allow submission on the papers or by video.

What if my spouse won't respond? You may proceed by default after proper service, and the court can grant relief consistent with what you pleaded.

Can I date during the divorce? Legally, generally yes. Practically, it can affect a custody dispute and inflame settlement. Ask your lawyer about your state and your judge.

What if my spouse is hiding money? Discovery, subpoenas, and a forensic accountant. Start with the tax returns and loan applications — that is where it is usually found.

Do I need a QDRO? For any employer-sponsored qualified plan, yes, and it must be entered and accepted by the plan administrator. Not for IRAs, which transfer under the decree.