Domestic Violence Safety and Protective Order Checklist: A Practical Checklist

Summary. A working checklist: what to preserve and how, the petition and ex parte appearance, service, hearing preparation and the full list of relief to request, living with and renewing the order, the respondent's obligations, safety planning, and collateral protections.

In immediate danger: call 911. National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233, 24 hours. Local domestic violence programs provide free court advocates. For doctrine, see Domestic Violence and Protective Orders; for the workflow, see Obtaining and Defending a Protective Order.

PART ONE — PETITIONER

Phase 1 — Immediately after an incident

Medical attention, even for injuries that seem minor — especially after strangulation (injuries appear hours later; the intake narrative becomes evidence).
Photographs now, and again on days 2, 3, and 5 — bruising develops and darkens.
Police report if safe; report number written down.
Tell someone — they become a witness to what you said and how you appeared.
Call a domestic violence advocate (free, will help with the petition and go to court with you).

Phase 2 — Evidence preservation

Export voicemails as audio files — carriers delete them.
Export message threads (not only screenshots); keep full headers and metadata.
Save social media messages, posts, and comments with timestamps.
Call logs.
Medical records, including the narrative given at intake.
Photographs of property damage and the scene.
911 recording requested (agencies retain for a limited period — request early).
Written log started: date · time · what happened · who was present · what was said · whether reported.
Names and phone numbers of everyone who saw or heard anything.
Financial records where money is used as control.
Everything emailed to an account the other person cannot access.
State recording-consent law checked before recording any conversation.

Technology-facilitated abuse

Use a different device to seek help if yours may be monitored.
Do not remove stalkerware before it is documented — removal can alert them.
Vehicle checked for a GPS tracker.
Shared accounts, family cellular plans, and cloud accounts reviewed.
Location sharing disabled everywhere, including in photo metadata.
Smart-home device access reviewed (thermostat, cameras, doorbell, speakers).
Passwords changed from a safe device; two-factor enabled.

Phase 3 — The petition

Relationship element satisfied under your statute (spouse · former spouse · dating partner · co-parent · household member). If not, ask about a civil harassment or anti-stalking petition instead.
Conduct element: specific acts with dates.
Fear or risk of future harm alleged where required.
Narrative written chronologically, one incident per paragraph, with dates and specifics — not adjectives.
Strangulation, if it occurred, described precisely: hands or ligature, breathing restricted, vision changes, loss of consciousness, voice changes.
Firearms access and any threat involving a weapon described.
Technology-facilitated conduct described.
Nothing exaggerated.
Every form of relief you need actually requested (Phase 6).

Phase 4 — Ex parte appearance

Bring: petition · printed photographs and messages · medical record · police report number · one-page timeline · an advocate.
Read the order before leaving the building — check addresses, relief granted, and the firearms provision.
Hearing date calendared.
Certified copies obtained: carry one · home · work · car · trusted person · school/daycare with the pickup list updated.
If denied: ask why · ask about amending and refiling · ask the advocate about other statutes.

Phase 5 — Service

Every safe address and schedule detail given to the court and the sheriff.
Vehicle description and plate provided.
Followed up with the sheriff's civil division to confirm service.
Alternative service (publication/posting) asked about if service repeatedly fails.
You do not attempt service yourself.

Phase 6 — Hearing preparation and relief

One-page timeline: dates down the left, one sentence each.
Numbered exhibits, three copies each, labeled ("Exhibit 1 — photograph of neck, 15 March 2026").
Witnesses in person (affidavits often not accepted); told date, time, and subject.
Three or four strongest incidents selected.
Accommodations requested in advance: separate waiting area · support person · remote appearance · screen.
Cross-examination rule checked — many states now bar direct cross-examination by a self-represented respondent.

Relief to request — word it this way:

No contact "directly or indirectly, including through any third person, and by any means including telephone, text, email, social media, and any application."
Stay away — stated distance from home · workplace · school · children's school and daycare · vehicle · wherever you happen to be.
Exclusive possession of the residence (even if respondent owns it or holds the lease).
Temporary custody / supervised visitation / suspension — with the exchange mechanism specified (supervised exchange center · police station · third party).
Temporary support and payment of specified bills.
Firearms surrender with a deadline and a proof-of-surrender filing.
The credible-threat finding OR the express prohibition on the use, attempted use, or threatened use of physical force — the federal prohibition under 18 U.S.C. § 922(g)(8) attaches only to orders containing this language (Rahimi).
Possession of property and a civil standby to retrieve belongings.
The pets.
Prohibition on locating you — no GPS, tracking apps, or third-party searches.
Restitution: medical · property · lost wages · relocation.
Counseling or batterer intervention program.

Phase 7 — Living with the order

Certified copies distributed (Phase 4).
Every violation reported in writing, every time; report number recorded in a running list.
Each violation preserved: message with metadata · screenshot with sender and timestamp · date/time of any appearance · witnesses.
Third-party contact treated as a violation (message through a friend, a post you will see, a relative sent to the house).
Civil contempt motion considered in the issuing court (does not require police action).
No informal contact permitted. If communication about children is needed, modify the order to create a defined written channel and use only that.
Expiration date calendared the day the order issues; renewal filed 60–90 days before (standard is generally lower; an expired order usually cannot be revived).

Phase 8 — Collateral protections

Address confidentiality program enrolled; sealing of your address in the court file requested.
Housing: lock change · early lease termination with documentation · emergency transfer or lease bifurcation in covered federally assisted housing · protection from eviction based on being a victim.
Employment: job-protected leave for court, medical care, or relocation · anti-discrimination protections · unemployment eligibility if you must leave the job.
Immigration (no abuser participation required): VAWA self-petition · U visa · T visa. Consult immigration counsel before filing anything — sequence matters.
Crime victim compensation applied for: medical · mental health · lost wages · relocation · funeral. Note the filing deadline and the police report requirement.
Counseling for the children arranged (often free through victim services).

Phase 9 — Safety plan (with an advocate)

Rooms with an exit and without weapons identified; kitchen and bathroom recognized as highest-risk.
Code word agreed with a friend or relative meaning call the police now.
Old phone kept charged (dials 911 without service).
Children taught to call 911, to state the address, and not to intervene.
Two destinations identified for 2 a.m.
Go-bag placed somewhere accessible: ID for you and the children · birth certificates · Social Security cards · immigration documents · insurance cards · the order · medications and prescriptions · spare keys · cash · clothes · chargers · phone numbers on paper.
Document copies stored where they cannot be reached.
Leaving planned with an advocate — separation is the highest-risk period.
After leaving: locks changed · workplace notified with a photograph and the order · school and daycare notified and pickup list updated · routes and schedule varied · neighbors asked to call police rather than confront.

PART TWO — RESPONDENT

Phase 10 — First 48 hours

Comply absolutely. No contact for any reason — not to apologize, explain, discuss children, or ask for withdrawal; not through a friend or relative; no social media posts referring to the petitioner.
Order read carefully: stay-away distances · residence · firearms provision and deadline · hearing date.
Residence vacated if ordered; civil standby arranged for belongings.
Firearms surrendered on time with written proof, and the proof filed. Possession while subject to a qualifying order is a federal crime.
Counsel retained if possible.
Criminal counsel consulted before testifying in the civil hearing (Fifth Amendment implications).

Phase 11 — Defense preparation

Complete message threads, not excerpts.
Call logs · location data · work records · financial records · photographs.
Witnesses identified.
Own timeline built with a document supporting each entry.
Elements analyzed: does the relationship qualify · does the conduct meet the definition · is there evidence · lawful explanation · self-defense.
Cross-petition considered carefully — mutual orders are disfavored, restricted in many states, complicate enforcement, and can cost firearms rights and § 2265 portability. File only if it is true.
If considering an agreed order: firearms · custody · employment · licensing · immigration consequences understood first.
Appear at the hearing. Failure to appear enters the order.