Summary. Sixteen documents. The first three take an afternoon and prevent most of the rest.
How to use these
Templates 1 through 3 are for while you are alive. They take an afternoon and they are the highest-value work in this entire subject.
Template 4 is the one that saves the most money. Two questions, three phone calls, twenty minutes.
Everything after that is for the week after a death, when nobody has the capacity to construct a system. So construct it now.
Template 1 — Disposition directive
Requirements vary — some states have a statutory form, some require notarization, some require witnesses. Check yours and use the statutory form if one exists.
DIRECTIVE FOR DISPOSITION OF REMAINS
I, [full name], born [date], residing at [address], make this directive regarding the disposition of my remains.
1. Person authorized to control disposition. I appoint [name], [relationship], of [address], [phone], [email], as the person authorized to control the disposition of my remains and to make all related arrangements.
Alternate: If [name] is unable or unwilling to serve, I appoint [name], [relationship], [contact].
2. My directions. I direct that my remains be:
[ ] Cremated [ ] Buried [ ] Donated to [program] [ ] Other: ______
[If burial:] at [cemetery, city, state], [plot/section if known]. [If cremation:] and that my cremated remains be [scattered at ____ / interred at ____ / given to ____]. [If donation:] I have registered with [program]; contact information is [ ]. If the donation is declined, I direct [alternative].
3. Services. I [do / do not] wish a funeral or memorial service. If a service is held: [preferences, or "I leave this to the person named above."]
4. Embalming. I [do / do not] consent to embalming, except where required by law.
5. Religious or cultural requirements. [ ]
6. Preneed arrangements. I [have / have not] made prepaid arrangements. If I have: [provider, contract number, location of documents].
7. Veterans status. I [did / did not] serve in the armed forces. My DD-214 is located at [ ].
8. Cost. I direct that expenses be paid from [my estate / the prepaid arrangement / insurance policy no. ___]. I direct that expenses be kept reasonable and I specifically authorize the person named above to decline any goods or services.
9. Effect. This directive is intended to be binding to the fullest extent permitted by [state] law and to supersede the wishes of any other person.
[Signature] · [Printed name] · [Date] [Witnesses / notary as your state requires]
Give copies to: the person named · the alternate · your lawyer · the funeral home if preplanned. Not the safe deposit box.
Template 2 — Funeral wishes letter
The things a directive does not cover. Written in your own voice, kept with the directive.
A LETTER ABOUT WHAT I'D LIKE — [Name], [date]
This is not a legal document. It is what I would like, and I mean it as help rather than instruction. [Name] has the authority to decide, and I trust their judgment about anything I have not thought of.
The short version. [One or two sentences. "Cremate me, don't spend much, and have people over to the house with good food."]
A service. [Yes / no / a gathering rather than a service.] [Where. Who should be invited. Whether it should be religious.]
Music. [ ] Readings. [ ] Who I'd like to speak. [ ] What I would not like. [ ]
What to do with my ashes. [ ]
Please notify: [names and how to reach them — the people who will not hear otherwise]
Obituary. [Whether you want one, where, and anything you want it to say or not say. If you have written one, say where it is.]
Charity. [In lieu of flowers, contributions to ____.]
Things I want someone to have. [Not a will — just the specific things that matter.]
One more thing. [Whatever you want to say.]
Template 3 — The kitchen drawer sheet
One page. Where the family will find it in the first hour. This is the single most useful document in this toolkit.
IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO ME — [Name] Last updated: [date]
CALL FIRST: [Name], [phone] — [relationship] THEN: [Name], [phone]
My disposition directive is [location]. It says: [one line — "cremation, no embalming, [name] decides"].
Prepaid funeral arrangement? [Yes — provider, contract number, documents at ____ / No] Cemetery plot? [Yes — cemetery, section/plot, deed at ____ / No] DD-214 (military service)? [Yes — located at ____ / No] Organ donor? [Yes, registered with ____ / No]
My will is [location]. My lawyer is [name, phone]. My accountant is [name, phone].
Life insurance: [company, policy number, agent] — [repeat for each] Employer / former employer with benefits: [name, HR phone] Pension: [administrator, phone]
Bank accounts: [institution — last four] · Brokerage: [ ] · Retirement: [ ] Mortgage: [servicer, phone] · Car loan: [ ]
My passwords are [where — a password manager, a sealed envelope, with a named person]. (Do not write passwords on this sheet.)
Pets: [name, vet, who should take them] Alarm code / key location: [where a trusted person can find it]
Medications and allergies: [ ] · Physicians: [ ]
Anything else they'd never guess: [the safe combination is with ____; the storage unit is at ____; there is a timeshare and I've already dealt with it]
Template 4 — Telephone price worksheet
Two questions. Three calls. Twenty minutes. Providers are required to answer without your name.
PRICE COMPARISON — [date]
Provider A Provider B Provider C Name Phone / address Direct cremation $ $ $ Basic services fee $ $ $ Transfer of remains $ $ $ Refrigeration (per day) $ $ $ Immediate burial $ $ $ Viewing — facilities & staff $ $ $ Ceremony — facilities & staff $ $ $ Graveside service $ $ $ Hearse $ $ $ Least expensive casket $ $ $ Cremation / alternative container $ $ $ Fee for an outside casket (should be $0) Forwarding remains $ $ $ Receiving remains $ $ $ Will they request military honors? Will they notify Social Security? Cost per death certificate $ $ $ The two questions to open with: "What is your price for direct cremation?" and "What is your basic services fee?"
If told to come in: "I'm asking for the prices over the phone, which I believe you're required to provide."
Template 5 — Arrangement conference script
The exact phrases. Say them plainly; they are all true.
On arrival:
"Before we start — could I have a copy of your general price list to keep?"
Before caskets are shown:
"Could I see the casket price list first? And could you show me the least expensive casket you offer?"
On embalming:
"We're not going to have embalming. What is the refrigeration charge?"
On an outside casket:
"We're providing our own casket. I understand there's no handling fee for that — can you confirm?"
On cremation:
"We don't need a casket. What is the alternative container?"
On anything called required:
"Is that required by law, by the cemetery, or is it your policy? Could you note on the itemized statement what requires it?"
On packages:
"We'd like to select items individually rather than take a package. Could you total just these?"
On who pays:
"The estate will be paying. Could the contract identify the estate as the responsible party rather than me personally?"
On veterans:
"He served in the Army, 1971 to 1975. Here's the DD-214. Will you request military funeral honors, and can you tell me about the government headstone and the burial flag?"
On certificates and reporting:
"Please order fifteen certified death certificates. And will you be reporting the death to Social Security?"
When you need to stop:
"I'd like to take the itemized statement home and look at it before I sign anything. When can I get back to you?"
And the one that matters most:
"No, thank you." — complete on its own, no explanation required.
Template 6 — Itemized statement review
| Line | Item | Price | Did I select it? | Optional? | If "required," by what? |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Basic services fee | $ | non-declinable | — | — | |
| Transfer of remains | $ | ||||
| Embalming | $ | Usually optional | |||
| Other preparation | $ | ||||
| Refrigeration | $ | ||||
| Facilities/staff — viewing | $ | ||||
| Facilities/staff — ceremony | $ | ||||
| Hearse | $ | ||||
| Casket | $ | ||||
| Casket handling fee | $ | Should not exist | |||
| Outer burial container | $ | Cemetery, not law | |||
| Cremation container | $ | ||||
| Cash advances (clergy, flowers, obituary) | $ | Marked up? | |||
| Death certificates × ___ | $ | ||||
| TOTAL | $ |
Red flags to check for:
- The price list was not given at the beginning
- The least expensive casket was not shown
- Embalming was described as required
- A handling fee was charged for an outside casket
- A vault was described as required by law
- Only package prices were quoted
- The itemized statement came after payment
Template 7 — Funeral Rule complaint
[Date]
RE: Funeral Rule violations — [Funeral home], [address], arrangement of [date] for [decedent]
To: [Funeral home manager] · cc: Federal Trade Commission; [State] Board of Funeral Directors
I made arrangements at your establishment on [date] for [decedent]. I believe the following occurred:
- The General Price List was not provided at the beginning of the discussion of arrangements, prices, or offerings, as 16 C.F.R. Part 453 requires. [It was provided at ____ / never provided.]
- The casket price list was not provided before caskets were shown, and the least expensive casket offered was not displayed.
- Embalming was represented as required. [Name] stated: "[quote]."
- A handling fee of $______ was charged for [a casket / an item], which is not permitted.
- An outer burial container was described as legally required, when it is a cemetery requirement; the itemized statement does not identify what required it.
- Only package pricing was offered, and I was not permitted to select items individually.
- The itemized statement was not provided before payment.
I am requesting: a refund of $______ for the items identified above, and a corrected itemized statement.
Please respond within twenty-one days. I am providing copies of this letter to the Federal Trade Commission and to the [state] licensing board.
Enclosed: the contract · the itemized statement · the price lists provided (or a note that they were not) · correspondence.
[Signature] · [Contact] · [Date]
Template 8 — Cemetery inquiry
RE: Interment rights — [Cemetery], [section/plot if known]
Before purchase, please provide in writing:
- The price of the interment right and exactly what it conveys
- The opening and closing fee, current amount, and how it has changed over the past ten years
- Whether an outer burial container or liner is required, and whether that is a cemetery rule or a legal requirement
- Whether the cemetery requires that markers or monuments be purchased from it, and any setting fee for an outside marker
- The rules and regulations governing markers, monuments, plantings, decorations, and visiting
- Whether a perpetual care fund exists, what percentage of sales is deposited, and what "care" includes
- Whether the interment right may be transferred or resold, to whom, and at what fee
- Whether unused plots are subject to abandonment or reversion
- Whether cremated remains may be interred, and on what terms
- Any fees payable at the time of burial other than opening and closing
[Name] · [Contact] · [Date]
Item 2 is the one people skip and regret. The opening and closing fee is frequently substantial and frequently undisclosed at purchase.
Template 9 — Preneed contract questions
BEFORE PREPAYING — [Provider], [date]
Question Answer (in writing) Is the price guaranteed, or is this a deposit against future prices? What happens if prices rise more than the fund grows? Can I cancel? What do I get back? Is it revocable or irrevocable? Is it transferable to another provider if I move? At what cost? How is the money held — trust or insurance? If a trust: what percentage is deposited, and who is the trustee? If insurance: which company, and who is the beneficiary or assignee? What if this funeral home closes or is sold? Can I see documentation that the funds are held as stated? Exactly what goods and services are included? (Get the itemized list, not a package name) What is not included? Are cemetery costs included? (Usually not) If used for Medicaid planning, is the structure and amount compliant in this state? After signing: give a copy to [the person named in my directive], note it on the kitchen drawer sheet, and tell the family it exists.
Template 10 — Veterans benefits claim worksheet
VETERAN: [Name] · SSN [ ] · Date of birth [ ] · Date of death [ ] Service: [branch], [dates], [discharge type] · DD-214 located at: [ ]
Benefit Applies? Applied Approved Notes National cemetery burial — grave, opening/closing, headstone, flag, perpetual care, at no cost Eligible spouse and certain dependents generally included Government headstone or marker for a grave in any cemetery Burial flag Funeral director or post office can obtain Military funeral honors The funeral director requests these — ask Presidential Memorial Certificate On request Burial allowance — service-connected death Deadlines apply Burial allowance — non-service-connected Plot allowance Transportation of remains, in some cases Dependency and Indemnity Compensation for a surviving spouse Separate and significant Survivors Pension If you cannot find the DD-214, request it from the National Personnel Records Center — the next-of-kin request form is available online and the funeral director can frequently obtain a copy quickly for burial purposes.
Template 11 — Death certificate order
DEATH CERTIFICATES — [Decedent], died [date] Ordered: ___ copies on [date], through [funeral home / vital records office]. Cost per copy: $______
Who needs one Sent Date Returned? Social Security ☐ VA ☐ Life insurer 1 ☐ Life insurer 2 ☐ Employer / pension ☐ Bank 1 / Bank 2 ☐ Brokerage ☐ Retirement plan ☐ DMV ☐ County recorder (real property) ☐ Probate court ☐ Mortgage servicer ☐ Credit bureaus ☐ Spare copies retained: ___ Check the certificate immediately for: name spelling · dates · Social Security number · place of death · marital status · parents' names. Errors stop claims. Amend in week one, not month four.
Template 12 — Notification tracker
| Organization | Contact / phone | Date notified | Spoke with | What they need | Status | Follow up by |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Categories to work through: government (SSA, VA, Medicare, DMV, IRS, state tax, licensing boards) · financial (banks, brokerages, retirement plans, insurers, mortgage, cards, credit bureaus, unclaimed property office) · employment (current and former employers, union, fraternal organizations) · property and services (landlord or HOA, utilities, phone and internet, storage, timeshare, memberships, subscriptions) · personal (physicians, pharmacy, attorney, accountant, financial advisor, religious community, anyone holding a power of attorney — all POAs end at death, social media and email providers).
Template 13 — Credit bureau deceased notice
[Date]
RE: Notice of death — [Decedent full name], SSN [--___], DOB [date], last address [ ]
To: [Equifax / Experian / TransUnion], [address]
[Decedent] died on [date]. A certified copy of the death certificate is enclosed.
Please place a deceased indicator on the file and note that no new credit should be extended in this name.
I am [relationship / executor of the estate]. [A copy of my letters testamentary is enclosed.] Please direct any correspondence to me at the address below.
Please send me a copy of the credit report so that I may identify accounts requiring notification and detect any fraudulent activity.
[Name] · [Address] · [Phone] · [Date]
Send to all three separately. Identity theft using a decedent's information is real and is easiest in the first months.
Template 14 — Disposition dispute petition outline
For a lawyer, or for a self-represented petitioner in a state that permits it. These are frequently heard within days.
PETITION FOR ORDER DETERMINING RIGHT OF DISPOSITION
- Decedent. [Name], died [date] at [place]. Remains are currently at [location].
- Petitioner. [Name], [relationship], [address].
- Interested persons. [Names, relationships, addresses of everyone with a claim under the priority statute.]
- The statute. [State] Code § ___ establishes the priority for control of disposition as follows: [quote].
- The dispute. [State plainly what each side wants and why the statute does not resolve it — e.g., two adult children of equal priority disagree.]
- The decedent's wishes. [Every piece of evidence: a directive, a letter, a note, an email, statements to named witnesses, prior arrangements, religious practice, a preneed contract.]
- Urgency. The remains are currently held at [facility] at a cost of $___ per day. An expedited hearing is requested.
- Relief requested. An order determining that [petitioner] holds the right to control disposition and authorizing [cremation / burial at ____].
[Verification / signature] · [Date]
Attach: the death certificate · any writing by the decedent · the funeral home's statement that it will not act without authorization or an order.
Template 15 — Indigent burial inquiry
RE: Assistance with disposition — [Decedent], died [date]
To: [County coroner / medical examiner / social services / public administrator]
[Decedent] died on [date]. The estate has insufficient assets and the family is unable to pay for disposition.
Please advise:
- Whether the county operates an indigent burial or cremation program, and its name
- The eligibility requirements and what documentation is needed
- How to apply, and the timeline
- What the program provides — cremation or burial, a marker, whether remains are returned to the family
- Whether records are maintained permitting a family member to locate the remains later
- Whether the county can direct me to any other assistance — anatomical donation programs, crime victim compensation, veterans benefits
[Name] · [Relationship] · [Contact] · [Date]
Also ask about: anatomical donation programs, which frequently include transportation, cremation, and return of remains at no cost — but which can decline, and which must be contacted immediately.
Template 16 — The one-hour document search
Before calling any funeral home. Check every box.
- Disposition directive or any written statement of wishes
- Preneed funeral contract or burial insurance policy
- Cemetery deed or interment right certificate
- DD-214 or other discharge documentation
- Will and any trust
- Life insurance policies — including credit life on loans and coverage attached to cards or bank accounts
- Employer benefits documents
- Pension and retirement statements
- Recent bank statements — look for insurance premium payments to companies you don't recognize
- The name of the lawyer and the accountant
- A list of accounts and institutions
- Organ donor registration or a whole body donation registration
- Any note in a desk, a bedside drawer, or a kitchen drawer
- Recent emails, if you have access
- The safe deposit box — but do not count on getting into it in time
Where families most often find things: the desk · the filing cabinet · a fireproof box in a closet · the bedside table · with the will · with the lawyer · taped inside a cabinet door · in the drawer nearest the phone.
The short version
- Write the directive, the wishes letter, and the kitchen drawer sheet. One afternoon.
- Do not put funeral wishes only in your will.
- Find the four documents before calling anyone.
- Three calls, two questions, twenty minutes.
- Take the price list. Ask what is optional. Say "no, thank you."
- Never accept "required" without asking what requires it.
- Don't sign as personally responsible party.
- Ask the cemetery for the opening and closing fee, in writing, at purchase.
- Find the DD-214.
- Order fifteen death certificates and check them for errors.
- Flag all three credit bureaus.
Related documents
- Funeral, Burial, and Death Care Law
- Arranging a Funeral and Handling Final Affairs
- Funeral Planning and Final Arrangements Checklist
- Estate Administration Toolkit
- Elder Law Toolkit
- Crime Victim Toolkit
- Mental Health Advocacy Toolkit
Educational only, not legal advice. Disposition directive requirements, cremation authorization, preneed protections, and cemetery regulation vary substantially by state. Use your state's statutory form where one exists.
