Summary. Fifteen sequences. The second one saves the most money and takes twenty minutes.

1. Before you call any funeral home — find four documents

  • A disposition directive, or anything written stating what the person wanted
  • A preneed funeral contract or burial insurance policy — families routinely pay twice because nobody looked
  • A cemetery deed, if there is a plot
  • The DD-214, if there was any military service
  • Look in: the desk · filing cabinet · bedside drawer · with the will · with the lawyer or accountant · email. Not the safe deposit box — you may not get into it in time.
  • There is more time than it feels like. Almost nothing must be decided in the first six hours.

2. The twenty minutes that save the most money

  • A provider must give prices over the telephone to anyone who asks, without a name or a visit. This is federal.
  • Call three providers. Ask two questions:
    • "What is your price for direct cremation?"
    • "What is your basic services fee?"
  • Write the answers down. The spread in the same city for the same service is routinely 3x–5x.
  • If told to come in: "I'm asking for the prices over the phone, which I believe you're required to provide."
  • Walk in and take a General Price List. You need not be arranging anything or explain yourself.
  • If a service is planned, also ask: viewing facility fee · ceremony facility fee · transfer of remains · hearse · least expensive casket · whether a fee is charged for an outside casket (there may not lawfully be)

3. The first 24 hours

  • Expected death at home → call hospice or the physician. Do not call 911 — it can trigger a response nobody wants.
  • Sudden, unattended, or unexpected → call 911. The medical examiner may take jurisdiction and the timing is not yours.
  • In a hospital or facility → staff will ask which funeral home. "We'll let you know in the morning" is a complete answer.
  • Notify immediate family and one or two people who will help
  • Secure the home, vehicles, pets
  • Do not let anyone remove property from the home
  • Arrange mail and perishables if the person lived alone

4. What you must be given

  • The General Price List, at the beginning of any in-person discussion, to keep
  • A casket price list, before caskets are shown
  • An outer burial container price list, before those are shown
  • Before you pay: a written itemized statement with every item, its price, the total, and a statement of any legal, cemetery, or crematory requirement that made a purchase necessary

5. What you never have to buy — with the words to use

  • "I'd like to see the least expensive casket." They must show you. It is frequently not in the selection room.
  • "We don't want embalming." Not required by law in most circumstances; refrigeration is generally an alternative.
  • "We're providing our own casket." Buy anywhere. No handling fee may be charged.
  • "We don't need a casket for the cremation." An alternative container must be offered.
  • "Is the vault required by law or by the cemetery?" Almost always the cemetery. The statement must say which.
  • "We'd like to select items individually, not a package." A single non-declinable basic services fee is permitted; a mandatory package is not.
  • Prohibited representations: that embalming is required when it is not · that a casket is required for direct cremation · that caskets or vaults preserve a body indefinitely · that anything is required by law when it is not

6. Questions worth asking at the conference

  • What is included in the basic services fee?
  • What here is optional?
  • What will the cemetery charge for opening and closing? Ask the cemetery directly, in writing — most common unpleasant surprise.
  • Are there cash advance items — clergy, flowers, obituary, certificates — and are they marked up?
  • Will you request military funeral honors?
  • Will you notify Social Security? (Confirm it, then confirm again.)
  • How many death certificates? (Say fifteen.)

7. Do not sign as responsible party

  • A person who signs as responsible party has assumed the debt personally, whatever the estate holds
  • Ask that the contract identify the estate as the responsible party
  • If a personal guarantee is demanded, treat that as a real decision, not a formality

8. Who has the legal right to decide

  • Typical priority: written disposition directive → sometimes a health care agent → surviving spouse → adult children by majority → parents → adult siblings by majority → more remote relatives → someone willing to act → the county
  • The decedent's own written directions generally control
  • Note: the person paying is frequently not the person with authority
  • Note: an unmarried partner frequently ranks below estranged adult children

9. If the family disagrees

  • Determine who actually holds the right under the state's statute
  • Look for anything the decedent wrote — a directive, letter, note, email, text
  • Understand that the funeral home will not act without authorization or a court order
  • Try to settle — cremation plus burial of ashes in the family plot resolves most of these
  • If deadlocked, petition the probate court; most hear these on an expedited basis within days
  • The body can be held in refrigeration while this is resolved

10. Cremation

  • Most states impose a waiting period — commonly 24–48 hours
  • Written authorization from the person with the right of disposition
  • Often a medical examiner or coroner sign-off
  • Cremation is irreversible. Do not push a provider past what the authorization allows.

11. Death certificates and the paperwork

  • Order fifteen certified copies
  • Check immediately for errors — wrong date, misspelled name, wrong SSN will stop a claim; amendment is far easier in week one
  • Needed by: each insurer · Social Security · VA · each bank and brokerage · each retirement plan · DMV · county recorder · creditors · probate court · employer · pension administrator

12. Notifications

Week 1

  • Social Security — confirm the funeral director reported it
  • Employer — life insurance, unused leave, pension, health coverage for dependents
  • Union or fraternal organization
  • VA, if applicable
  • All insurers — life, accidental death, credit life, mortgage protection, and policies attached to cards or accounts
  • Banks, brokerages, retirement plan administrators
  • Forward the mail

Weeks 2–4

  • All three credit bureaus — request a deceased flag. Decedent identity theft is real and easiest in the first months.
  • DMV — cancel the license
  • Any professional licensing board
  • Utilities, subscriptions, memberships, recurring charges
  • Open probate if required
  • Search the state's unclaimed property database in the decedent's name

Months 2–6

  • Final income tax return
  • Any estate tax filing
  • Retitle property, vehicles, accounts
  • Timeshares, storage units, other obligations nobody remembered

13. Benefits that go unclaimed

  • Veterans (find the DD-214): national cemetery burial at no cost for an eligible veteran and generally spouse — grave, opening and closing, government headstone, burial flag, perpetual care · a free government headstone or marker in ANY cemetery · a burial flag · military funeral honors on request · a Presidential Memorial Certificate · burial allowances in specified circumstances, some with filing deadlines
  • Social Security — a small lump-sum death payment; survivor benefits are the significant item
  • Employer — life insurance, accidental death, unused leave, pension survivor benefits
  • Forgotten insurance — old policies, credit life on a car loan, mortgage protection, coverage attached to a card or bank account. Check bank statements for premium payments.
  • Crime victim compensation, if the death resulted from a crime — no charge or conviction required
  • Preneed contracts and burial policies — search before arranging anything

14. When there is no money

  • Direct cremation — least expensive nearly everywhere; call three providers
  • County indigent burial or cremation program — most counties have one, through the coroner, ME, social services, or public administrator. Ask for it by name; it is not advertised.
  • Anatomical donation — frequently includes transportation, cremation, and return of remains at no cost. Programs can decline; investigate immediately, the window is short.
  • Any benefit the decedent had
  • Do not sign a contract you cannot pay, and do not sign as responsible party

15. The afternoon that prevents all of it

  • Write a disposition directive — one page, naming who decides and stating what you want, signed as your state requires
  • Give copies to the person named, your lawyer, and the funeral home if preplanned. Not the safe deposit box.
  • DO NOT put funeral wishes only in the will — it is frequently read after the funeral. The most common and most avoidable failure in this area.
  • Write down the rest: music, readings, who speaks, gathering or not, what to do with ashes, who to notify
  • Find the DD-214 and tell someone where it is
  • Disclose any preneed contract, burial policy, or cemetery deed and give copies to whoever will arrange
  • Register as an organ donor if you want to be — and tell your family
  • For whole body donation: register in advance, learn the acceptance criteria, have a backup plan
  • Price it once, unhurriedly — three price lists in a file
  • Write the notification list and where the accounts are
  • Put one sheet in the kitchen drawer: what you want, where the papers are, who to call

Related documents

Educational only, not legal advice. Disposition priority, cremation authorization, preneed protections, and home funeral requirements vary substantially by state.